YES, I AM still here looking out this window on Main Street, and I have been daydreaming about how to stop the incredible growth of littering here. Just go down any road and pay attention to the ditches.
There are all kinds of empty boxes and plastic grocery sacks, old soft drink cups and potato chip sacks. Lots of tire pieces and especially lots of cattle feed bags.
The most common feed bag is red and white, with checkerboard art. Let me be the first to say that I love beef, and I don’t want to penalize the folks who raise cattle in any way.
If a feed sack has blown out of the back of someone’s pickup truck, I say that the driver was probably thinking about a missing calf, or whether he’ll have enough hay, or “is #44 green ear tag pregnant?” The driver wasn’t uncaring about possible litter; his-or-her mind was just elsewhere.
But if this column can raise the consciousness of those cattle/goat/sheep/rabbit farmers about their feed bags blowing out of the truck, then this column has done a good deed.
Not all of the litter is accidental. Plenty is stuff people have just thoughtlessly tossed out of the buggy window. It’s a shame.
My idea is for lower fines and more community punishment picking up roadsides. I’m ignorant and just running off at the mouth here. The judges might not have that flexibility.
It’s also a shame that our town can’t seem to get a duly designated Downtown J-Turn Enforcement Officer because, from looking out my Main Street window I can tell we’ve got an epidemic.
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BATTLE OF THE SEXES. Article in the daily newspapers and on TV last week showed a cute blonde girl in her early early teens standing on the top step of the winners’ podium at the North Carolina State Wrestling Championships. She was holding a banner and was beaming beautifully.
For the first time in history, a girl won the title. She was wrestling in the 106-lb. weight class and she outwrestled at least three boys in the tournament.
The boys were also standing on the podium but they weren’t smiling nearly as broadly as the girl was.
In fact, the boys weren’t smiling at all.
In fact, the boys were mostly scowling or frowning, or …. there was something else registering on their young faces.
Here is your mid-week test. It is multiple choice.
The boys looked so unhappy because:
#1 They had been beaten by a girl.
#2 They knew that her dad was waiting outside.
#3 They knew that juvenile groping charges would be filed; and
#4 All of the above.
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ANIMAL CRACKERS. My same relatives who recently swore on a stack of Bibles that they saw a beaver pushing a log across the Upper Mine Creek Reservoir, now say they have also seen a javalina, or peccary, running (very fast) through their yard. The javalina is a little pig. My relatives swear they weren’t mistaking it for a young feral hog.
Ahem. I won’t argue. Not me!
I don’t know if the javalina’s range has extended into Arkansas, but it could have. It is usually confined to the southwest — maybe Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, etc. And now, maybe, Arkansas. It is known to be exceptionally fast. Also, it has to be a good swimmer because in some way it had to get across the Red River.
Well, we do see unusual animals here occasionally. My daughter says she saw an otter, once. I accidentally ran over a mink once. Have seen a few other animals I couldn’t identify.
I remember a time someone reported seeing a porcupine down near Ashdown. But, later, it was determined that the porky had got hit by a big truck somewhere up north and got stuck in the snow clinging to the undercarriage of the truck.
The porky’s carcass finally fell off the truck and bounced to the side of the road south of Ashdown. Other motorists naturally assumed it had been hit there by a vehicle. Or died from smelling Ashdown’s fragrant air.
First we didn’t have roadrunners. Then we had a few. Then we had them in abundance. Then they were gone.
Where did the roadrunners go? Did that wiley coyote finally come up with a crazy scheme that worked?
And once we had lots of quail in this area. I saw a covey about three years ago on a dusty road near Lake Greeson. But quail hunters in these parts long ago hung up their guns and vests, and turned to another sport.
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#1 HOG FAN. It didn’t take much for my true colors to come out. Last weekend the Lady ‘Backs got hammered by MissState. The basketball Hogs blew their chance of getting into the Big Dance. And our undefeated baseball Hogs lost all three games in a tournament in Texas. We probably won’t be invited back next year.
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WORD GAMES. Another set of twins: Birds and Bees. Was it the toughest talk you ever had with Sissy or Junior?
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HE SAID: “The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding.” Albert Camus, French philosopher and writer
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SHE SAID: “Being the Queen is not all about singing, and being a diva is not all about singing. It has much to do with your service to people. And your social contributions to your community and your civic contributions as well.” Aretha Franklin, diva and Queen of Soul. She deserved and got “R-E-S-P-E-C-T!”
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
